If words could express the pleasure this first contact arouses in me, I'd certainly be the one to force them into a polite round of applause at your arrival. As it goes, only a grand gesture will suffice, and so I mark the occasion with a gift to the world, appropriate to the season.
Over the coming months, you'll be treated to great steaming spoonfuls of my mind-gravy - often very rich and difficult to swallow, but always a nourishing accompaniment to any gristly meat the modern world dumps uninvited on your plate. As an introduction, I offer you a small audio collection of my poetry to help the brittle turkey slices on their way.
Coal in Your Stocking: angry Christmas poems by Byron Bard contains eleven poems written and performed by me, all of them ideal for soothing away the pain inherent in the festive season. I've also included a bonus non-Christmas track for your enlightenment.
I have released the collection under a Creative Commons license, and you're very welcome to pass it around to anyone you wish, especially as a Christmas present. You might like to listen to the whole album here first, and judge for yourself if the intended recipient has the strength of mind to enjoy it. This poem below, "The Week Before Christmas", is fairly representative.
The audio tracks are zipped up into a single file, in .aif format here, and .m4a format here. Simply download whichever version you think best, unzip the file, and burn the tracks to a CD. I've also included cover art for you to print out and a text version of all the poems on the disc.
May your goodwill towards your fellow man emerge from the Christmas season no more tarnished than before.
Byron Bard.
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